Fairy Problems
by erebororbust
Summary: When a fairy shows up in Stark Tower, no one is ready for the insanity that ensues. MAJOR CRACK WARNING, no slash.


Tony hated fairies. A lot. He would never admit it, but part of the reason why was because that he was a bit scared of them. So that would explain why he screamed like a little girl when one suddenly appeared in the lounge.

Okay, maybe not a bit. More like with every fiber of his soul or so.

Loki seemed to find his extremely high shriek amusing, as he sniggered and his shoulders shook a bit.

Tony glared at him as his cheeks took on a bright red hue.

The fairy ignored both of them. She wore a bright pastel pink dress with tons of ruffles, a touch of white lace here and there as the accent. She had bleach blonde hair that came to the middle of her back in many waves, with a very obviously plastic crown sitting upon her head with fake jewels glued on. She held a heck of a huge wand in her hand, a giant star at the top that was doused thoroughly in glitter and sequins. It was also in rainbow colors, that flashed on and off and quietly played a loop of the Chicken Dance.

A ridiculous grin broke out on her face, revealing that she had only one front tooth. Tony deducted it to be due to a sweet tooth.

Her voice was high and squeaky, making everyone flinch.

"Hickery, dickery, dock! I've come to meet some mortals because ma booted me out of the house. 'Go do something productive,' she says, 'Go eat some useless person's soul,' she says. I prefer intestines, thanks, and I'll take some salt too if you've got it."

Everyone just stared and Loki looked ready to say something but was holding back. Tony was staying as close to the doorway as possible, ready to make a quick exit if the fairy went mental and tried to eat his intestines or something.

The fairy, who remained unnamed, spun in a dizzying circle to look at all of the Avengers and giggled, sounding horribly drunk.

"You all have such healthy immune systems. Definitely that one there, he's super hot." She pointed her wand at Loki, who raised a brow with a mix of discomfort and curiosity in his eyes.

She giggled again. "Y'all looking pretty dull though, even purty boy over here. Could really use a fix, and I'm just the one to do so!" She laughed for a moment, completely hysterical, throwing back her head and seeming as if she'd totally lost it. Tony moved a few feet closer toward the door, his heart pounding. He *hated* fairies.

The laughter died off, leaving her with a wild glint in her purple eyes. "Now, we'll start with making you more lively, mister frowny frown. Orange and purple, I think, and perhaps a touch of red."

She waved her wand at Steve and a yell of protest came from him as folds of disgustingly pastel colored magic wrapped around him. They lingered for a moment, before brightening and then disappearing.

Steve now had bright orange hair, a purple t-shirt and shoes, and red pants. Not to mention that a tiny, dark, thundering stormcloud was hovering over his head and raining on him. Oh, yeah, and it had a face with big eyes and it was frowning.

Steve made noises of unhappiness as he pulled a fly swatter out of nowhere and tried to get rid of the cloud. Thor, Clint, Natasha, and Bruce all circled around him and tried to get rid of the cloud as well. The fairy grinned creepily and turned to Loki.

"Kay, purty boy, you're next. Blue and green I'm thinking, and we'll add a dash of brown just for the fun of it."

Loki looked like a deer in headlights before the pastel magic engulfed him for a moment, disappearing and bringing light to his brand new do.

Loki's hair had miraculously grown several inches so that it was now down to his thighs. It was also a startlingly bright blue. His entire outfit was now a muddy shade of brown, which really wasn't too bad compared to the hair. His boots were now a bright, pastel (this fairy definitely likes bright colors) green with a bit of yellow.

The fairy grinned hugely and giggled a breathy giggle, whilst Loki sighed heavily and face-palmed. Tony could tell the dude didn't give a crap about anything at that point, and Tony couldn't blame him.

The fairy then turned to him, her wild eyes lighting up. Tony whimpered and stood frozen. This fairy was a freaking *nutcase*.

"Drumsticks, drumsticks, drumsticks. You've got some nice chicken leggies over there. I'm thinking pink, right? Just kidding! You don't get a choice so shut up and don't bother me." She frowned at him and then brightened again, waving her wand.

For a third time, her magic weaved around someone and then dissipated.

Tony had hot pink hair and clothes, everything also covered in a heavy layer of pink glitter. Tony sneezed and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand.

The fairy seemed to love this and swooned a bit, laughing. "Aw, you sneeze like a little kitten would! You're my favorite. I'm gonna take you home and feed you sushi and Chinese takeout, and we'll watch romcoms together! Brad and Taylor just got back with each other; I'm rooting for team Brad. You can be on team Brad with me! We'll annoy ma and put whoopie cushions on dad's chair, and when we get accused I'll blame you! Because you're the pet and that's what you do with pets."

Tony's eyes widened considerably and he shook his head, hands gripping the wall behind him.

The fairy then suddenly stopped, looked at her wand, and promptly screamed. The other Avengers looked up from where the frowning rain cloud had grown in size was now raining over all of them as they still tried to get rid of it.

"Cows jumping over cheese rinds! I think ma found me! I've gotta hide! I'm taking someone's body; make way!" She looked around frantically, before zoning in on Loki and sped toward him.

Loki panicked and he raised his arms to cover his face.

Loki suddenly sat up in his bed, panting. Sweat trickled down his forehead. He was as taut as a bowstring.

He was starting to hate fairies now.

And then the fairy appeared, her purple eyes crossed as she drooled slightly.

"Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles. I've never had a stick before, have you?" She asked, and began waving her wand around haphazardly. Loki was worried the big thing was going to go flying and hit his face.

Turns out, instead she accidentally stabbed herself in the head with it. She felt the wound that was gushing yellow fairy blood and made a sound of interest.

"Huh, I've never had a head injury before. I wonder if this'll kill me or not. Hey, maybe I'm already dead! That'd be cool."

Loki shuttered and closed his eyes for a moment, but they shot back open in an instant when he felt someone's hand on his head.

The fairy looked at him.

"You're running a fever of one hundred and five point two. Congratulations, you've won a billion dollars!"

Suddenly Tony sat up in bed, breaths erratic as he tried to calm his wildly beating heart.

Then the fairy appeared, grinning at him. She waved and *squeaked*, taking her wand and poking herself with it.

Tony screamed and threw the covers over his face, hoping that that would make the bad fairy go away and he could have happy days and nights again.

Bruce suddenly woke up and sat there for a moment, letting the moonlight from his window wash over him as he contemplated what he was going to do the next time some unfortunate fairy ran into him. Sighing, he lay back down and rolled over to his side and fell asleep.

~Fin~ 


End file.
